The Damage Of Carrying It All

I think we all, at least once in our lives, have done the agonising walk back home from an unplanned grocery trip, thinking we were superman or something. Shout out to the university students who have probably experienced this more than anyone. Carrying one of those big reusable bags in each hand, full of things that were probably not even on the list has got to be a workout. As random as it sounds though, it was on one of these days that Jesus spoke to me. He reminded me about something you and I have probably heard time and time again but may not have fully grasped. If you have read my previous blog post “trust- from a different perspective” then you will already know, or come to know, that God has a funny way of speaking to me using just the ordinary things I do. It’s kind of our thing now (insert shrugged shoulders emoji).

Walking from my student accommodation to Tesco is probably a 15-minute walk, maybe less, but the journey back from shopping? It took way longer than it should have. I went with my friends and we all struggled. My shoulders and arms were aching and the amount of times we had to stop- didn’t even bother keeping count to be honest. I know what you’re probably thinking-why didn’t we take a bus or a taxi? We overestimated our strength. Each time I stopped; I wished for someone to be there to help me carry everything back home. Tired was an understatement. It was at that moment, though, God spoke to me- “but Amandha, this is what you do with your burdens”.  I’m not going to lie, I’ve heard Matthew 11:28 many times-“come to me, all you who are weary and heavy burdened, and I will give you rest”- but it was at that moment I could physically see the reality of it. I could see how my emotional pain had the same effect as the heavy bags did on my back. I could see the pain I was causing myself by trying to carry all my burdens and just how stupid I was to not let someone help me. The pain I experienced in my back was an exact representation of what I was doing to myself on the inside.

We so often hold onto our burdens thinking we can deal with them by ourselves, only to end up with more hurt and pain, making us stop so many times along the way. If someone was to help carry my bags it would have been a whole lot easier. I would be in less pain and the journey back home wouldn’t have been so hard. I sure wouldn’t have stopped as many times as I did. If this is the case, then isn’t it the same with our burdens? Wouldn’t someone else helping us carry it make it easier for us? So many places in the Bible, God tells us to come to Him with our burdens, to cast all our worries and cares on Him (Matthew 11:28, Psalm 55:22, 1 Peter 5:7), yet we tend to hold onto them and try to deal with them ourselves. I’m not going to lie; I have and do struggle with this a lot. It isn’t as straightforward as handing someone a bag but put it this way: if the strongest person in the world offered to carry our shopping bags, would we hesitate? Would we worry about anything happening to our stuff or doubt that they would be able to carry it all? Then why hesitate to give our burdens to the God who created all things, knows all things, loves us deeply and wants only the best for us. We often think we are the only ones who understand what we’re going through but God, God not only understands, but He knows our situation better than we do. He knows what has happened and what is to come. God knows our heart;sees our tears and knows exactly how to help us. He simply wants us to surrender and give it to Him. He knows we can’t handle it by ourselves and is waiting to give us His strength and guidance.

So, how do we actually give it to Him? By surrendering it all to Him: the pain, the problem, worries, fears-everything- and allow Him to take full control. Go to Him and simply say ‘God I give this all to you. I may be broken, upset, confused, but I trust in you. I trust that you know what’s best for me, and I know you are always with me and for me’. Spend time in prayer, reflect upon His abundant love for you in the word. Ask for His guidance and strength. He will not fail you.

“But I gave it to God, why do I not feel better?”. Yup, I hear you. There is usually a misconception of thinking that just because we give a situation or problem to God, we will immediately feel better and not experience pain anymore. Sadly, this is not true. In the same way a back pain will not immediately go away as soon as you hand over your bags to someone, the pain of our burdens won’t either. It may not be as strong, but it will not suddenly disappear. It takes time. But if you keep holding onto the bags, the pain will not only not go away, but it may even get worse. This is the same with our burdens. If we keep holding onto them, the pain will not go away and we won’t be able heal. We must therefore let go and let God take control.

When I finally got home, God showed me one last thing. He showed me how unclear our perceptions are when it comes to dealing with our problems, and how it really isn’t doing us any good. At this point my back was so bad that I had to grab my hot water bottle and heat rub. I can’t lie; I’ve had back pains on and off for a few years now and have even gone to the physiotherapist about it, so I can’t really blame it entirely on the shopping bags. I mean they triggered it and made it worse but yes, I don’t have the best posture. As stupid as it sounds, I did the exercises the physio gave me for a while but may have stopped and may have not gone back to the physio since, oops. Instead I just use my hot water bottle and heat rub when needed, even though I know I should probably go see the physio again. Stupid of me, right? But isn’t this what we do with our burdens? We tend to go the quick fits/short term solutions instead of going to the One who can actually heal us from it. So many times, we go seeking our friends, families, husbands, wives, girlfriends, boyfriends-but they can’t take our pain away. They may help but our pain will still remain. Other times we may even go to extreme: to alcohol, drugs, sex- in the aim of escaping everything, only to find ourselves feeling worse and empty as soon as the ‘high’ fades. With my back pain, even though the hot water bottle and heat rub may make my pain better for a while, it will eventually come back again. If I go the physio, however, I can get to the root cause- my bad posture- and get the right form of treatment.

I get it though, it can be frustrating considering it’s the longer route to take. I know sometimes it may even feel that nothing is happening or changing. It takes time. But I can assure you, there is nothing else that can give you the same peace, hope, strength and love that God so freely gives. God’s right by your side, through it all. God knows, has seen it all and will help you get through it. So, whatever burdens you may be carrying, lay it all down before God. He’s got you!

I may be weak, but your spirit is strong in me, my flesh may fail but my God you never will. Give me faith to trust what you say. That you’re good and your love is great. I’m broken inside, I give you my life- Give me Faith (song by Elevation Worship)