Do you know how deep and radical the Father’s love for you is? Not just generally, not just when everything is going well or when you’ve been a ‘good Christian’. But in your failings and fallings, when you’ve fallen into the pit and are covered in dirt, are you still able to truly understand and claim the love God has for you? Or do you shy away from God? Do you claim to be unworthy of Him? It’s human nature to fall into the pit, and, though the feelings we get as a result of this are common to all- they are definitely not from God. It’s in these times I have struggled so much to see myself in His eyes. I have struggled to see just how much He truly loves me. But in reality, none of what I feel or think of myself is how God sees me. Even in my lowest lows, God sees me as righteous, as His daughter; as pure, holy, blameless and spotless. But it’s through my failings and fallings that God has shown me His perfect love.
And, I’m still on the road to unlocking more and more of God’s heart but it definitely is a love beyond human comprehension. It’s too radical, too perfect, and greater than any human love that my words really become mere words; our human language isn’t enough to explain the fullness of His love. To be honest, I’m starting to see why Aquinas himself stopped writing- I really do get it. Words just aren’t enough. And so, I ask, as you read this blog, allow the Holy Spirit to reveal His love to you, to help you truly understand so that it may not be just words you’re reading but truth that touches your very heart.
Prayer
Father, I thank you for Your unconditional and unfailing love that You so freely give. I surrender all of my thoughts, my feelings and my view of Your love, in exchange for Your truth. Holy Spirit, help me and guide me so that as I read these words, it may be You speaking directly to my heart. Help me to truly grasp Your love so that it may change me from within.
Jesus died for your past, present and future
I’ve grown up in faith and the crucifix is something I have seen everywhere, matter of fact, I wear one around my neck. Though I’ve dwelled on it so many times, to grasp what this truly meant took me a long time. Only recently have I been able to understand the realness of it because every time I fall, every time I fail, I forget the truth that Jesus died for me- that He finished everything on that cross. He didn’t just die for the old me, the part of me before I came into faith, but he died for the entire me. Jesus died for the me that messes up time and time again. He died for my past failings, present failings and future failings so much so that “while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). Take a moment to soak this in. Jesus died for the you the didn’t even know Him yet. He died for the you that was rejecting Him. He died knowing that you may never even love Him back. Jesus died knowing how many times you would mess up and fall. He died knowing that you could never return the same love to Him. Yet none of that stopped Him. None of that changed His mind about you nor prevented Him from choosing you. He sees the ugly parts of you that no one else sees and still chooses you. That’s how big and vast His love for you is. What makes you think He loves you any less in your failures? Everything you have and could possibly do is all covered. Everything. And if He were to die for you again, He would do it without a doubt. The only thing you have to do is accept His love.
God only wants your heart
It’s not always easy to see yourself in God’s eyes. Many times we fall into the mind frame that God’s love for us is conditional to how we behave, what we do or whether we even love Him back. From my experience, I know how easy it is to focus on the number of times you’ve fallen and messed up. It’s easy to enter into the whirlwind of disappointment, regret and unworthiness. But, the more I go on this journey, the more I see that God only wants my heart. It was never really about the things I can do for Him, it was never about trying to be a ‘perfect Christian’. Because really, all of that I cannot do by my own strength. But it was always about my heart for Him. It was about giving God my heart and letting Him have control. It was always about my yes to Him and trusting that He would do the rest. Because you see, as humans we will face trials, we will slip up. Our journey isn’t always going to be as straight as we would like it to be, but in spite of that, He wants our heart.
Recently, I was reading through John 13 and something that really caught my eye was Jesus predicting Peter’s denial and Judas’ betrayal. Firstly, here you can see that Jesus doesn’t choose on the basis of perfection; He knew both would betray Him yet He chose them anyway. Secondly, though they both sinned against God, they were both very much entitled to God’s forgiveness. The difference? Peter repented and returned back to God. Judas, however, did not. Despite Peter’s weaknesses, despite his sinfulness, the difference was in Peter’s heart for God. He loved God very much and was willing to do so much for Him; his thirst evident in many places in the gospels. But was he always perfect? No. Did he fall? Yes, in fact he denied Jesus not once but three times. But that didn’t stop Jesus from choosing him, in fact Peter became the rock of the church. Despite his flaws, Peter chased after God and God used him greatly.
There have been countless times when I have dared to ask God whether He was right in choosing me- whether I was the right person to do His work. Though I love God very much and am so eager and willing to do His work, I become very much disheartened at my failings and fallings. But God showed me that He only ever wanted my yes. More importantly, God wanted my heart, even if my journey isn’t always as steady as I would like it to be. Maybe your journey looks like one where you are falling, getting back up, falling, getting back up, but be like Peter, be like David, who though they had many flaws and weaknesses, kept on returning back to God, chased after God’s heart and more importantly, gave God their heart.
He awaits with loving arms
The key is to keep on returning. Remember that everyone falls, but no matter how bad the fall is, no matter how many times you do, God is always ready to accept us back. Even if it takes you so many tries, even if you’re always falling and getting back up, God is not going to give up on you. His love for you is much deeper. Though we keep track of the times we have fallen, God doesn’t. But what He does see is the number of times we’ve gotten back up and ran to Him. That’s His love. It bursts for us. It’s not one of condemnation but of compassion. Every time we return, His arms are always wide open. Like the father in the prodigal son, as you’re returning home, He sees you from afar, drops everything and comes running to you, way before you could even make it to Him. And when He reaches you, He embraces you as if it was the first time you were coming back home.
So do not be disheartened at your failings. If our hearts are there, our weaknesses do not become a barrier for God. He can and will help you. As St Teresa of Calcutta says “give yourself fully to God. He will use you to accomplish great things on the condition that you believe much more in His love than in your own weakness”. God knows no barriers and His love doesn’t diminish when you are in the pit. Rather, His love for you is constant regardless. This isn’t something to be used as an excuse for our shortcomings but I pray these become healing words for those who feel discouraged by their failings. His love is greater.
Let His radical love change you
The only true remedy to our struggles and weaknesses is His love. When we, by our own strength, try our very hardest to get everything right, we actually end up taking our eyes off the One who can help us and does through us. We become like a withered branch cut off from the vine, trying to sustain and produce fruit by ourselves. But when we shift our eyes from trying to do good and staying on right the path to shifting our eyes solely on God and His immense love, everything changes. You begin to see yourself how God sees you. You begin to see that there’s nothing that you can do more or less that will increase or decrease His love for you. His love is constant; let it renew and refine you. Stop trying to do things by yourself. Stop focusing on your failures or the amount of times you’ve failed, stop trying to meet the expectations you hold for yourself and start focusing on His never ending, never changing love for you. Shift your eyes to the truth that you are His son/daughter; you are chosen and deeply loved by Him. He is your loving father who relentlessly pursues you. Allow His radical love to change you.
A reflection from my personal journal
The basis for this blog post comes from a reflection from my personal journal. It was a time when I was in so much frustration and disappointment with myself after, once again, falling into the same pit. As I was praying to God, God spoke these words to me. As you read through this, feel free to add in your name and read it as God speaking to you.
Keep going, keep returning. I pray that you allow His love to set you free. God bless
02/02/21
I fall, I get back up. I fall, I get back up, yet still your mercy and love remains. Sometimes I feel that I am not good enough, God, but you tell me I am your child- spotless and unblemished- but sometimes I have difficulty in believing it and seeing myself in your eyes
God says: you know how much I love you [your name]? So much. Let my words pierce your heart, for they are true. I came in flesh so that I may understand you and I do. Enter into the bountiful pool of my grace, love and mercy. Remember that I CHOSE YOU from the very beginning. I chose you knowing how many times you would fall yet nothing stopped me or changed my decision about you. Know that I will never give up on you, even if you want to or feel like you cannot go on. I won’t and I never will. No matter how many tries it takes, I will not let go of you. I am always with you till the very end.
Believe it, claim it, live it
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord ~ Romans 8:38-39
Want to read about more on God’s love? Read my blog “You’re never too far gone”….
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Unfiltered For Christ 
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