El Roi: The God Who Sees

Lately God has constantly been reminding me of two things: He sees me, and He hears me. To be completely honest, though in my previous blogs I have written about how God sees our pain and hears our cry, I find it hard to believe this when nothing seems to be happening. You know, the times when it’s really silent- like you’re forever waiting for God to move or do something. Sometimes I feel like I’m saying the same prayers, asking God the same things but don’t actually hear from Him or see God doing anything. It then becomes an infinite waiting game. I can definitely say that I am the child in the back of the car who, every five minutes, asks “are we there yet, are we there yet?”. Though I know God sees and hears us, actually believing this is a whole other thing. Quite frankly, I’ve come to realise that knowing is not the same as believing. And dare I say it, I have not been believing it that much. But oh, how great is God’s grace that always leads me back.

A Little Backstory

This year has certainly been crazy with many ups and many downs. There have been happy times, sad times, confusing times, and definitely frustrating times. On one of these days, a couple months back, I experienced one of the downs. I was having such a bad day and wasn’t motivated to do anything. In fact, I didn’t even feel like eating or drinking, which is odd because food is usually my weakness. Instead, I was in a complete mess. I felt so drained and remember crying so many times that day, that week even, over so many things that was on my mind. After a few hours I eventually found the willpower to get myself out of bed and so I went downstairs, sat at the kitchen table, and stared blankly into the garden. Staring outside always calms me down; there’s just something therapeutic about looking at the trees and sky. There’s also a lot of birds that come to visit. The bushes, trees and the bird feeder pretty much makes our garden a hotspot for birds. They usually come by, eat the food, tweet at the other birds, and leave but this day was different.

As I was staring outside, two little birds came up to the window. I’m not quite sure on the type, but they were definitely beautiful. I assumed they would soon fly away but surprisingly they stayed, which drove all my attention towards them. I can’t quite describe it, but at that moment, I felt a sense of peace and comfort. It was as if I could feel God saying “Amandha, I sent them just for you” and the words “I hear you, I see you” kept ringing in my head. But just to confirm, I said “God, if it’s really you, make the birds dance or do something. Not that I expected the birds to just breakout into dance moves, but I wanted some sort of sign. And lo and behold, the birds actually started to move, making small hops from one area to another. Now, I’m no Simon Cowell but I can pass that for a dance. They stayed there for quite some time and moved around so much that I immediately broke into a smile; a smile so huge that the gloominess inside of me exhaled and I started to giggle. And at that moment I was certain that God saw me; I knew and believed it in my heart. He saw my miserable self then and He saw me all the other times. God heard all my prayers, He saw all my tears and as the loving Father He is, not only cheered me up, but reminded me of this. It was such a simple, yet special moment and I could imagine God smiling back as I got lost giggling at the birds trying to entertain me.

God does see, God does hear

I guess all this time I had not truly believed. During my quiet time, God would tell me that He sees me. He would tell me to be still. Every time I questioned and repeated the same things, He would also say the same thing. However, as nothing was really happening, I became so disappointed and dry. But really, it wasn’t that God wasn’t moving or that God couldn’t see or hear me, it was that I didn’t actually believe this. If I did then there would be no disappointment over the complete stillness. There would be no frustration over nothing happening.

Other times I even doubted whether or not He was talking to me. Whether He was talking about the different things that were on my mind. But isn’t He a personal God who knows all and cares about all, even the littlest things? The problem was that instead of claiming what God was telling me, I sat waiting for answers that I wanted, waiting for God to move how I wanted, without understanding that His ways are different, God’s moves are different, and His timing is certainly different. Though we may not always see, God is always working in the background.

The good thing about God is that He never gets tired of hearing the same thing and He never gets tired of reminding us the same thing. The truth is, it’s not that God doesn’t hear or see us, but we don’t hear or see Him.

A Call To Be Still

Though it was a hard pill for me to swallow at first, God was calling me to be still- the very thing I find so hard to do because I’m pretty much a control freak. I don’t like being still and always feel the need to know, to do and to plan. Funnily enough this happens to be the side of me that God wants to take away so that I can rely wholly on Him, during the storms, the sunshine, and especially in the foggy stillness. Instead of getting wound up trying to do things myself and worrying about the future, God is simply asking me to relax and trust Him. At the same time, He reassures and reminds me that He sees me, that He hasn’t forgotten and that He is with me. I believe where I am at is exactly where God wants me to be. When He needs me to know or do something, He will make it clear. As for now, He calls me to be still.

Focus On The One Who Has Control

I know it can be frustrating but if you find yourself in a similar boat, relax and let God do His thing. God hasn’t forgotten. He isn’t ignoring you. His ways may be different, but it most definitely is the best way. If this answer wasn’t what you were looking for, I’m sorry. It wasn’t what I was hoping for either. But must we get so wound up with things that only God can do? Leave it to Him, He knows best. Nevertheless use this stillness as an opportunity to deepen your roots in Him, to spend more time with God. Instead of worrying about the future or the things you have no control over, focus on God and what He has called you to do in the present. And the rest? Leave it with Him. In the meantime, if you have to, until you start to actually believe, say it over and over again: God sees, God hears, God knows. Be still, trust the process and more importantly, trust God.

“She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: “You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “I have now seen the One who sees me.”- Genesis 16:13